Heard of fake-booking? Where you post as if your life is happy children, calm peaceful parents and amazingly creative and engaged parent child connections?
Well, I did that over the weekend. But on instagram. So I fake-stagramed.
I didn't mean to do it. I was enjoying the moments when I posted or took the story videos.
But mere moments later I was in the pit of annoyed parenting.
This quote from a daily parenting email (The Daily Groove) that I get sums it up "notice that many "negative" emotions -- like fear, worry, or even mild annoyance -- are often followed by an impulse to control another person such as your child, spouse, or co-worker."
If you'd watched my instagram on Saturday you saw that we played Mini Golf. How cute! You didn't see that it was mostly us rushing from hole to hole so the people behind us weren't waiting long and Ava, who didn't nap, was crying more than she was enjoying because we wouldn't let her take 15 minutes per hole to awkwardly hit the ball in.
If you kept following along, you saw a gorgeous picture of my son, followed by several short videos of my children being adorable in their bubble bath.
If you were with me in the bathroom that evening you would have seen the bubble play start to get a little too rowdy. Then you'd have seen Ava swallow several mouthfuls of bath water while trying to do things her twice her size, no three times her size, brother was doing. Next you'd see me ask them to both take it down a notch (a favorite of mine). And then, me decide it was time for bathtime to be over which I declared in the most helpful way by asking both kids to stand up.
Of course they didn't. They were happily playing in the bubble bath.
Emilio was checking out his cool bubble bath beard in the reflective surface of the drain knob.
Ava was being an over tired toddler and doing the opposite of what she was asked.
Matt came over the top and declared Emilio stand up. He moved slower than a sloth.
I tried to pick Ava up to stand. She refused. I then declared, "If you can't stand up, we can't do bubble baths any more" Because that's a clear natural consequence, right?
Upon taking her out of the bath she tried to climb back in.
I brushed her teeth as she cried and I explained what had happen. Because obviously when you're two and half and you've been forcibly removed from the awesome thing you were doing you can understand your mother's adult worlds as she's jamming a toothbrush in your mouth.
I mean, I know hind sight is twenty twenty. But it was not my most graceful parenting moment.
In the least.
You'd think I would start Sunday fresh. And I did, in many respects.
You saw Emilio and I playing catch. That was awesome. Then we went for a stroller walk/bike ride. Also awesome.
I'm going to blame the afternoon popsicles for how our afternoon devolved, but really I am the responsible party here.
Let's just sum it up with this image. Ava barefoot, flailing in my arms, kicking off the rainboots she insisted on wearing during the walk she insisted on taking. A block and a half away from the house. With Emilio asking me, "But am I being a good listener?"
So when people asked me today how my weekend was I said, "exhausting".
Parenting is exhausting. Especially when you are out of line with your integrity. With how you want to parent. How you see yourself as a parent.
But it is so important to keep it real.
It is okay that I had a bad parenting weekend.
We are resilient. My kids are resilient. And the most important thing is I recognized, I learn and I grow from my mistakes.
I remember that I don't need to control them. I can work in partnership with them. And it is up to me to be that model.
Here's to a better week ahead. And more truth in what I put out there.