10 and 6

I used to write birthday letters to my kids. Then I stopped writing. That was 2 years ago.

Well, that’s not true. I didn’t stop writing. I just stopped putting sustained energy and attention into the keeping of a writing space that exists online. That some may feel (I felt) required nurturing and attention to get eyeballs.

But, as I read back on the birthday letters from 2 years ago I recognize that those letters are for me too. I should honer myself and my needs too. I can write just for me, and leave it here for you if you find it. Welcome. I hope you enjoy.

Ava - I just read your letter from when you turned 4 and I am somewhat in disbelief at how true to yourself you still are, 2 years later.

Put very simply, you have always been who you are and you are so boldly yourself it is hard to imagine you changing. Of course you will. We all do. We must. And you have. For the better.

You are more confident. More sure of yourself. More creative and expressive. You are whip smart and figure out context, situations and how to manipulate with ease.

Yet, as I imagine is often the case with youngest children, you still relish your baby role. You seek comfort and attachment often. You still want to be picked up, cuddled and rely on your thumb and my hair for comfort in hard moments. Or, just when you want to relax.

You love to talk. To tell stories, or sing a song, or join in on the conversation by taking it over. You are kind of a one-upper. But it makes sense. You gotta keep up with a family who is all older than you.

You are imaginative and independent. You can easily play by yourself for hours, creating whole stories and worlds with dolls, animals, toys, anything really.

You context switch often. Building lego houses and worlds, then destroying them and playing in your barbie dream house instead. At one point you were even creating a story and world with old toothbrushes.

That hardest part of the last year for you has been the loss of your social circle. Though you found a new one in our neighborhood kids and you’ve adjusted to the benefit of having an older sibling who is up for playing. One who will even let you boss him around from time to time.

You’ve gone from scooting around on a balance bike to easily hopping on a two wheel bike (no training wheels) and flying down our hill no hands. You’re picking up sight words and that reading light bulb is turning on. You expertly film yourself doing gymnastics in our living room as if on stage for the world. You’ve even managed to play a family favorite video game (disc golf valley) better than some of us can.

I cannot wait to watch you keep growing.

Emilio - The growth I’ve seen in you over the last year is about so much more than how tall you’ve gotten. You are maturing. You are gaining confidence and independence in navigating relationships, the world, right and wrong, and even speaking your truth.

Your athleticism has blossomed. We’ve nurtured it, sure, and you are taking advantage of your opportunities and growing in leaps and bounds. You know how to lose, with grace and how to win through pure grit and determination.

Your studiousness at school has impressed me so much this strange year. You are focused, attentive and leaning in to learning. You are reading more than ever before and enjoying getting lost in another world.

You are sensitive and caring to others, and still figuring out how to manage your own energy and desires with your equal need for approval and wanting others to be happy. That’s a hard balance for most adults to find, so kudos for even caring about it, bud.

Your brain amazes me. How analytical you are and also able to use that information and relay it In ways that others enjoy listening to. Yes, I’m talking about how you launched a podcast this past year.

Honestly- you’re just such a cool kid. Your grace, confidence and lack of self consciousness is enviable. You have style, skills and brains. Keep nurturing that buggy, and use it for good. I know you will.

Ava and Emilio, i’m so lucky to be your Mom.

I love you.