Just What I Needed
I had a vision of how my evening could go.
I do this to myself often.
It was the solstice. This week we are usually all home by 6 or so. It was a beautiful day.
We could spend time together outside.
Maybe I would find some kind of activity or poem or something to share.
I'd let the kids stay up a little later.
Well ultimately we ended up having dinner in a chain restaurant that took way too long and wasn't that good.
We were all punchy and tired. Sitting under fluorescent lights, surrounded by TVs, non-nourishing food in front of us.
There were moments. When Ava colored the children's menu in all fantastic lines of colors, totally engrossed. When Emilio thoughtfully attacked the word search and found every word, carefully coloring it in and crossing it off the list.
We had two cars so once I knew Ava was done eating I was ready to swiftly remove her from the situation and give the diners behind her reprieve from her antics. I knew they weren't the type that had found her charming.
In the car I had an idea. It was still beautiful out. There was still time to do something.
So we ran in to the backyard and laid in the grass.
I told her it was the longest day of the year and I wanted to thank the sun.
"Happy Solstice!" We said. Or I said. Hers was more "so so" than solstice.
"Thank you sun!"
And I laid in the grass and looked at the blue sky and took a deep breath.
I know I can't make everything happen the way I want.
I know there is beauty and benefit in letting go of what you cannot control.
It felt good to get a semblance of connection to the day.
After having spent it in a concrete building or on a metal train or rushing to do everything. To finish the day outside on the wet grass was exactly what I needed.
When I told my good friend later she answered much the same. "And it wound up being just what you needed"