I've written before (Here) about my journey of trying to break old patterns and put myself where I need to be. Which is in a place where I'm trying to do less and focusing more on the present.
It is something I think about daily and work for, and something I'm not in any way shape or form an expert at, yet.
One of the balances that has always been important in me, because it was ingrained at a young age, is how you fit Family time in to your life. Specifically Family that lives far away. I've written about that too (Here).
The two world's collided yesterday.
A trip was planned, a very quick trip, to visit family and friends. We were fitting in a lot in a very short amount of time. Because it is important, because they are important.
But as the days got closer, I got more stressed out.
Work was piling up. The impending time in the car was piling up.
And it all kind of came crashing down on me yesterday.
I got home and felt kind of numb about it all. Which isn't how I usually feel going in to these trips. I'm usually excitedly planning, looking forward, happy to make the trip and effort.
I reflected on the day and realized I was panicked. I'd had a moment where I couldn't get a deep breath or stop shivering and I knew it was my body telling me something.
I stopped to listen and it became clear. I had to call out.
So I did.
And I feel really badly about it, because I know how important time with these people is.
But, I had to put myself first, which is a work in progress.
So I did.
And now I'm going to focus on not filling my weekend up, because the whole point is to give myself some space to relax, rejuvenate and take care of me.