Another from the archives - Originally published on August 28, 2014.
When you wake up and the small warm body isn’t next to you in bed.
Because he’s growing up and sleeping in his own bed for longer feels okay for him now.
Even though he still needs you next to him to fall asleep.
But you cannot imagine falling asleep without checking that he hasn’t stopped breathing in his sleep. Still. Although he’s grown out of that, your anxious mothering mind has not. And probably never will.
But you won’t, because you don’t want to wake him. You’ll just access the rational region of your brain and put it to work at 3:00AM.
So now you’re really awake.
And you might as well pee.
A door opens, and footsteps fall in the hall. And there is a second of panic before relief hits.
And he climbs in to your bed and whispers, “Mama.”
And the relief he feels matches your own.
Because at 4:30 in the morning, no matter who you are, if you awaken from your sleep not to rise purposely, you want your Mama.